In my family we (sister, brother and I) have been brought up to be somewhat tougher skinned and inundated to death. Since I can remember we've faced death in the family on a regular schedule. As you can probably imagine, learning about death so young was a fairly harrowing bit of news. Actually, I should back up and add in a little bit of information before going on. My mother has always been a home health nurse and this means she's around a lot of elderly or sickly folks and helps them manage their days as best as possible with a smile on her face and kind words for people knocking on Deaths door. It's a pretty thankless job a lot of the time. She's faced plenty of people who weren't ready to go and were sometimes very, very cruel to her and any of us who helped out because they were scared. As she's worked throughout my life so far a lot have passed on, peacefully or no.
Like I started to say, my family has had many a bout with Death and dealing with the feelings associated with passing on and dealing with whats left behind someone going. My mother and father sat all of us down when the time came and explained that it's something natural and it can come at any time. That it's okay to be shocked, saddened, angry and so many more emotions than you can even begin to count. I develop bonds with people pretty quickly and have ever since I was a child. If I liked someone even a bit I would treat them as a friend. I was around my mom's clients and family a lot as could be expected when you're a kid (Well, the family portion anyway. Being around clients is kind of specific. I'm losing my point a bit here.
I develop bonds with people. Okay. When I was a kid my granny would always be in the hospital and I never really understood why she never came out of it. All I knew is that she was sweet, always happy to see me and willing to tolerate my little minds rambles from behind her IV's and under a flimsy hospital sheet. We'd visit her every week and it was the first weekly event I'd ever look forward to. Then there was one week we didn't go. I was asking why we weren't leaving to see her and if we were going another day. I'd come running back in and keep repeating it. Hoping that I'd wear my parents down and that we'd go already! We didn't go.
The next morning I remember waking up and starting over again. "When are we going? Can we go now?" Finally, my dad told me to get into the car and we left. I was excited. I'd won! We were going to see gran, who would listen to me, tell me jokes and how special I was. We didn't go to the hospital to see her. We went to see my mom at work. She took a break while her client then slept and sat down with my dad to give me the talk they'd given my brother and sister. They told me gran had passed on yesterday. That it was going to be hard to understand, it would hurt for a time but that we can feel good in our memories. That she's in a better place and able to look down on everyone. And that the feeling I got everytime I saw her didn't have to go away because I couldn't see her. That she's always around and I couldn't get rid of her if I tried to.
That was my first brush with Death. I'll remember that speech till the day I go too.
People can be taken in a moment whether you're prepared or not. They can be stricken with disease that eats at them, struck by a vehicle or just grabbed away in millions of other ways. You're never really prepared for it to come to you or come for you. This year has been a whirlwind of death for my family. We lost my niece recently, my dad was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and given a sentence of time left and my favorite Uncle (I know, you shouldn't play favorites but this is my blog) Jay is laying in a bed withering away as we speak. It's heavy. Death always comes with that weight and it doesn't get easier to lift it up. As I think of him waiting there I'm filled with a bit of sadness but also relieved somewhat. His pain is coming to an end and he'll be able to rest in peace.
As I sit here and think on all this tragedy and loss I'm glad I've learned the lessons that came with it. I'm glad my parents were strong enough to help me learn to cope as I can. I'm sad he's being taken so soon from us just like many people are who truly don't deserve it. I'm leaning hard on the advice they gave me and the advice others have imparted on me after their own bouts with close to home death. This night will be tough but tomorrow I'll be thankful his pain is over and that I'll be able to look back on his life and times with me and smile. I'll be able to look to the sky and see him and nothing can change that.
If I can pass on anything to you all from reading this post it's this; Treasure time with people you love because it goes faster than you can blink. Don't hesistate to say the things you feel and always, always find time to come together with family whether its friends who are as close as family or your blood.
I love each and every one of my friends and family no matter what. Have a happy and stress free Thanksgiving. Squeeze people close and smile often.
Till next time.
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