They really like me!

These past few weeks have been...something! Been trying hard to stick to the resolutions I set for myself (like most people in January) and settling into this new schedule. It's been a bit of an adjustment to try and make everything flow together and I'm still working on the kinks of the whole thing but I'm enjoying myself and the challenges. I got to see a large group of people I hadn't in a quite a big chunk of time this past weekend and that was great. Enjoyed some casual conversation, good laughs and drinks. It was a pretty odd experience to take a seat later in the evening and realize that we aren't getting any younger.

I posted that on my Facebook not that long ago. That I was reminded we're all getting older. I've talked about it, both vaguely and more direct, in a few posts so far. However, it's one thing to say and another to see in motion. It's not remotely a bad thing (you're as old as you feel!) but when it's noticeable in front of your face it can hit you like a cold burst of water. It doesn't even feel that long ago that I was roaming the halls of school acting like a stupid, punk kid. Now it's all about bills, work, relationships and all of the other things aging brings to your attention.

Not that I'm getting anywhere close to advanced age or anything like that. It's just something I never really kept too much of an eye on that has now jumped in front of me and is forcing me to take notice. With that in mind recently I've been trying to collect all the various things I've written from all of my journals and computers to put onto one central space. Ideally, I'd organize them after cleaning up any prose, form, grammar or plot mistakes and get everything looking good to send out. I've started work on that front on my main PC and it's going great! I sent out some samples recently and got the first batch back around the beginning of the month. The few short stories were looked at, covered in red pen and sent back to hit the drawing board again. However! The poetry I had kind of just thrown in? Was labeled as close to perfect as I was likely to make it. And compared to Robert Frost to boot!

That has been a lightning rod for my bits of courage and inspiration to shoot at. This bit of work I had just thought would be demolished is highly complimented? I -am- doing something right! Not even a year ago I would've been too timid to share my work as openly as I have been. Then last year happened and a little bit of stubborness and the want to be bold hit me and I sent out all this stuff. I was nervous about doing it, worried while it was away being reviewed and a bit terrified to open the letter containing all the editted work. It took me a couple days but now I feel like I can, and should, move forward more and more. Who would've thought that growing up would entail years as hard as the last and that it would foster courage and help me move on and take more risks.

I'm sad that these things had happened in 2012 but I'm glad that there was a silver lining, of a sort, for me to find. I'm going to continue to write and send it out for people to see and my fear be damned! I want to do this for my family and myself. I hope that everyones 2013 starts great and is filled with opprotunity! As corny as it can sometime sound you can, and should, seize the day!

Till next time,

2012 is over! Long live 2012?

I always feel odd calling it 'last year' so soon after the striking of midnight on New Year's Eve. For the sake of some expediency and a bit of laziness? I'm gonna roll with it for this blog post. So, last year was a carnival ride of ups and downs for myself and a lot of the people around me. Not the good carnival ride either but one of those broken down rides that Topeka trots out in front of the Expo Centre every year to pass off as new and exciting. Y'know, paint is dingy and old, squeaks that make every rider wonder if they're about to go through a Final Destination moment while looking at a down and out carny worker who doesn't really know much outside of starting the ride and letting it run.

But I digress, the last year forced a lot of my circle to face a few harsh truths that time shows you. Talking to a friend the other day I realized that as you get older you see more and more of the awfulness that exists in the world. You're forced to shoulder more and more burden as the people who did it before you pass into an age where it's not their weight anymore. In every family (generally) it seems like there is one person who has to really take the brunt of these responsibilities. Keeping an eye out for the people close to you for their own good, scheduling and organizing the hard meetings and appointments that have to happen and being the emotional pillar for the people who need you.

This year? It was a battle and more than most. But that talk? That talk and the events of the year opened my eyes to the fact that this is one of the truest tests of 'becoming an adult.' Sure, learning to pay your own taxes, care for your own bills and be autonomous are all things that come with the package deal of being adult. But, facing down the harsh reality of the world around you and the world at large and seeing that all of these awful, awful things are coming as an inevitability and you just have to shoulder it as best you can, one at a time? That's the real make or break for being ushered into adulthood. And 2012 brought that test hard and fast to a lot of us. The people I surround myself with have either dealt with this and survived to be strong again or have had their test this year and survived. I felt like I've truly had my fight in the adult arena this year and come out with some scars but alive. 

I think you can tell a bit of where you are in life if you can sit with friends and friends of friends and just look and listen. If they're on and on about something trivial and essentially small potatoes in the grand scheme? Then they haven't had this test yet or are in on some grand scale acting classes. If you have that moment of clarity and can see and hear that the people around you are moving forward with the burdens on their back without letting the weight crush them? You're in good company.

This year, 2013? I plan on appreciating the people around me who've endured these tests and have the strength to persevere. To enjoy their advice, company and lended strength if I need a head while I return the favor in their time of need. This year is all about seeing the good things in my life and appreciating what they truly mean while I ready my shoulders for the weight of the world, one rock at a time.

Till next time.