Jumping the gun a bit.

I want to be able to make myself accountable for some New Years Resolutions for once and figured writing them out here (and early) would help me out. So, not gonna write so much on this post. Sorry to all of my four readers! Haha.

1. Make more time to get out and exercise on a plan. I've gotten really complacent in a very sedentary life style and it's time to turn that around. Along with this it's time to drop sodas and eating off the diet.

2. Begin shipping out more and more writing for editting. Also look for a place to get my foot in the door to work with someone on getting published on a wider scale.

3. Settle down all my travel plans early. Set aside a bit more money, set up lodging plans and whatever bookings we'll need.

4. Stop being so Mosby. I get the connection but I need to not spend until my mid 30's or so looking for a stable relationship. Which, ironically, is very Ted Mosby. Damnit.


These four are my biggest resolutions and are the ones I'd like to accomplish as quickly as possible. Hopefully being able to see this post everytime I come here keeps a reminder and a bit of healthy pressure on me. Hopefully you all have some resolutions that you can accomplish! If you need a helpful (and badgering...) person to remind you of them then let me know! Good luck!

Till next time.

Tragedy to Triumph

So, I have standing plans to sit down and hang out with a group of guys every Tuesday. It's a nice getaway from all the things going on in life. We sit down around a table and play some board games, roll some dice, shoot the shit about anything and just unwind. These plans have been at the same time, every week, since 2005 or 2006. I know, I know, it's another pattern of the same thing but this is something I can't see myself getting rid of. It's just something that has been a constant in my life for multiple years now that I can always count on. I get to laugh, learn some new fun facts and just be somewhere comfortable and inundated from lifes stresses for a few hours each week.

So, that was my night tonight. I've had a little rough week so far. Calling and calling a superior at work who both won't pick up my calls and doesn't return my messages. That's only a minor annoyance though. Another thing on my plate has been sorting through the things my uncle left to me before he passed. I'm by no means bad at processing these kind of emotions at all so I've been able to get through it with only a few tears. It's just a lot to hold on the shoulders while I deal with it and shrug it off. So, being able to relax with these guys has been able to bring me back to an earlier time when all I had to worry about were essays, what to spend my money on and if I'd win whatever game we might play that night.

Along with that has been a thought I've been turning into a positive. If you're following me on Facebook you might have seen a status of mine recently where I asked if anyone else had woken up wondering if the day was their last. It's kind of topical because of the unfortunate shootings and violence recently (Side note? I'm gonna try to stay away from these sort of topics) and I wanted to see if that thought had started to creep into anyone's head like it had mine. I've dealt with a few very unfortunate deaths recently and it's done what death has done for me a lot as I grow older. It's given me new perspective.

I woke up the day after my uncle passed wondering if that day I might die. That I might get hit by a car or bus or otherwise been unfortunately taken away from this life. And instead of letting it cripple me? I decided to live life like my uncle had before he found out about any of his problems that would lead to his death. Each time Jay (my uncle) would come up from Texas to visit he'd tell me about his time in Italy or backpacking through Europe or any of the hundreds of stories that trump just living in Kansas. I decided to let it guide my head and heart in decisions for growth. I'm submitting writing online to several sources, using resources that family and friends have been able to open for me, unafraid to take risks at work to advance and am looking at travel plans.

I'm letting his life and death inspire me more. Jay passed on very young in life (only 44 years old) but he lived more life in those years than almost anyone else I know. You're not gonna know when your time is gonna come and when those things you always put off are just off the table forever. At this point I've said it a couple times in varying forms but I wanna say it again; Don't be afraid of what you can do. Don't be afraid of failing at something you really wanna try. Lifes not going to stand still and wait for you to get over this fear over the course of years. Grab life by the fucking shoulders and shake it. Do what you wanna do! Be courageous! It's what I plan on doing from here on out.

Till next time

Why can't we have seven day weekends?!

Sitting here on a Monday night reminds me of being younger. When I was a kid I -hated- weeknights. They were so boring! Come home, do some homework I hated and then wait around the house or play outside for a bit. The only freedom from the neighborhood was when someone who could drive had an errand to run. It felt like being in some kind of secluded zombie apocalypse camp or the like. Leaving for even a few minutes was a lifeline to the real world! You got to see faces that were different and have some fun.

And man, the weekends? That was the salvation, the freaking light at the end of the tunnel that was the work week. Everyone was free to go out and do things, to have fun and just not need to worry about homework, work, projects of any kind. It was the time to let loose and have fun! Blow off all the steam that built up during school or work and just let loose. Run around a friends place, play some football or whatever sport you like and just go bonkers (Not the lame store...)! Even as a kid I noticed that older people, adults and teenagers sometimes, weren't as fun on the weekend. They wanted to plant their butt somewhere and just talk or watch something. Never wanted to run around town, play a game or do much movement of any kind! Very, very lame am I right?

Now, that realization I had this past weekend. I'm not old per se but I'm older. I understand more and more the want to take it easy on the weekends. I work during the week, drive and do errands for family and friends, go out and have drinks and any number of other responsibilites on my time I've chosen or been chosen for. The weekends have more and more become times where I want to rest and take it easy. Let my mind take a break while my body holds a couch or chair down. They don't call Sunday the day of rest for nothing, right? When I was younger it never made sense to be so lazy and not be go go go all the time. But each year older I get? I understand more and more.

So, for anyone I ever gave grief for being a lazybones when I was a snot nosed kid with too much energy? My apologies. I get it noooow. Weekends are what you earn during the week for all those hours put in. And for my future kid(s)? We're going to have a long talk about weekends when you finally understand words. Until then? Go bug you mom!

Till next time!

Today was a good day.

It's hard to let the past go. That's a fact that I've known for a long time (as most people do also). Knowing that and actually letting things go though? Two whole different animals. Shoot, I have a hard enough time letting it go when people get two inches from my bumper in traffic, people cut me off mid-sentence or just a million other minor interactions that happen each day. Don't get me wrong, I can act like I've moved on fairly well and sometimes even convince myself it's the truth. But then I'm not around people or the person or thing I'm pissed off at is gone and it's anger all over again.

I realize this kind of flies in the face of dealing with people passing on well. Or would seem like it might anyway, I get that. But they're completely different categories in the loopdy loo that makes up the pathway of my head. Just today I remembered things that happened last year or longer ago and spent the latter half of my day rolling through memories and generally not being a fun person to be around. When you're at work and the new guy and people are noticing how bad of a mood you're in? Probably not the best thing in the world. I called on some friends to help me out a bit and have been able to be less of a jerk tonight.

And it's not just the bad stuff that's hard to let go of. Sometimes you really, REALLY want something to be real again and you know it never will be but you act irrational. Your brain and heart tag team to beat reason into submission with some kind of emotional steel chair and you're stuck thinking on things. How good something seemed even though it wasn't, how bad something was when it's over and done with or a million other situations that are dead and gone. Trying to put them in a little mental box to go away doesn't work a lot of the time. Think of them like the box of Christmas lights you pull out around the same time each year. They're broken up and getting older each time but some part of you hangs onto them with fervor and some stubborn defiance to let them go and get new ones.

I guess part of it's being a little scared of losing it forever. But letting something go may seem like you lose it forever (and for some people thats the point) but for me it's learning to move on and grow. It becomes a part of you on a level that helps you mature as a person to meet the things coming to you. Life doesn't ever slow down and that something I've had to realize the hard way a few times in the last couple years. You can fight tooth and nail to hold onto things like they're your port in a storm when really? You have to accept the tide and roll with it. Don't let it swallow you up because you're living in the past. Let it wash over you and shape you into the strong, great person life and it's trials and tribulations are trying to turn you into.

My lesson for today? Letting go of all these feelings while still letting them help me mature. I'm on the first step...But it was the hardest. I'm making changes and growing on my way to 'adulthood'. It's scary and I could use some backup. Help me out?


Till next time.

I was born a...rambling man?

Each week, usually multiple times, I go to Old Chicago here in Topeka with a group of other nerdy friends and we bullshit with each other about anything that comes to mind for hours. A lot of people I invite get frustrated because we go there so often and I get that. But nerds, and people in general really, are creatures of habit. Not too long ago we all went to that restraunt for the first time and had a blast while befriending a large amount of the staff. It's easy and comfortable to go there because it's got good vibes attached.

Anywho, I was at this fine establishment a few days ago. We were on the same course of how each time goes; talking rapid-fire about whatever comes up, telling old stories we've told a thousand times and generally acting like fools. After a few people took off my buddies Jim, Justin and I got to some nerdier issues. Jim and I both enjoy writing so we both talked about stepping it up even more in that department and trying to stay on schedule. Well, comes around to actual planning (which nerds are good at and only sometimes follow through) and I started to think about where I'm at in life where I wanted to be. Y'know, I don't do bad for myself at 24. I get to see my friends all the time and laugh almost every minute we hang out, play some games with them and throw back some drinks. However, the younger Kyle in me was laughing at me for not being somewhere on the map for writing by now.

I did NaNoWriMo for the first time this year and it was an uphill battle. If you don't know about that then I'll fill you in a bit; Nation Novel Writing Month is something you do in November. You have to keep on schedule writing each day and the goal is to hit fifty thousand words without stopping to edit or deleting anything. It's rough. I was able to slough through and write something and I'm proud of myself for that. Doing this combined with reflecting on my writing career as it is now put a lot in perspective for me. I'm a nerd and I have a pattern that I could see being okay with for a long time. But Thursday night while talking to these guys has helped push me to realize I -have- to keep writing and sending everything out.

I had been writing on whims when I had ideas for stuff. From here on I'm on a set schedule and am sending things out to people who are willing to read, rip the mistakes to shreds and help me grow. My uncle is the first person who's been really helping me out by reading it himself and sending it out to a friend with experience. It's not where I thought I'd be when I was ten and decided to be a writer but it's where I'm starting. Breaking out of my pattern and trying to throw some things to the wall to see what sticks.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll be famous for writing something that tween girls love and make stacks of cash on the movie deals. If I do? Giant party and all the beers, rooms, food and whatever else on me!

Till next time!