So, I have standing plans to sit down and hang out with a group of guys every Tuesday. It's a nice getaway from all the things going on in life. We sit down around a table and play some board games, roll some dice, shoot the shit about anything and just unwind. These plans have been at the same time, every week, since 2005 or 2006. I know, I know, it's another pattern of the same thing but this is something I can't see myself getting rid of. It's just something that has been a constant in my life for multiple years now that I can always count on. I get to laugh, learn some new fun facts and just be somewhere comfortable and inundated from lifes stresses for a few hours each week.
So, that was my night tonight. I've had a little rough week so far. Calling and calling a superior at work who both won't pick up my calls and doesn't return my messages. That's only a minor annoyance though. Another thing on my plate has been sorting through the things my uncle left to me before he passed. I'm by no means bad at processing these kind of emotions at all so I've been able to get through it with only a few tears. It's just a lot to hold on the shoulders while I deal with it and shrug it off. So, being able to relax with these guys has been able to bring me back to an earlier time when all I had to worry about were essays, what to spend my money on and if I'd win whatever game we might play that night.
Along with that has been a thought I've been turning into a positive. If you're following me on Facebook you might have seen a status of mine recently where I asked if anyone else had woken up wondering if the day was their last. It's kind of topical because of the unfortunate shootings and violence recently (Side note? I'm gonna try to stay away from these sort of topics) and I wanted to see if that thought had started to creep into anyone's head like it had mine. I've dealt with a few very unfortunate deaths recently and it's done what death has done for me a lot as I grow older. It's given me new perspective.
I woke up the day after my uncle passed wondering if that day I might die. That I might get hit by a car or bus or otherwise been unfortunately taken away from this life. And instead of letting it cripple me? I decided to live life like my uncle had before he found out about any of his problems that would lead to his death. Each time Jay (my uncle) would come up from Texas to visit he'd tell me about his time in Italy or backpacking through Europe or any of the hundreds of stories that trump just living in Kansas. I decided to let it guide my head and heart in decisions for growth. I'm submitting writing online to several sources, using resources that family and friends have been able to open for me, unafraid to take risks at work to advance and am looking at travel plans.
I'm letting his life and death inspire me more. Jay passed on very young in life (only 44 years old) but he lived more life in those years than almost anyone else I know. You're not gonna know when your time is gonna come and when those things you always put off are just off the table forever. At this point I've said it a couple times in varying forms but I wanna say it again; Don't be afraid of what you can do. Don't be afraid of failing at something you really wanna try. Lifes not going to stand still and wait for you to get over this fear over the course of years. Grab life by the fucking shoulders and shake it. Do what you wanna do! Be courageous! It's what I plan on doing from here on out.
Till next time
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